Has there been a more consistent on-screen scrapper than Godzilla? Over his long career the legendary lizard has thrown down with more opponents than a drunk Russell Crowe and Shia LaBeouf combined and his upcoming brawl with a revamped Kong seems set to be the most high profile of all. But who else in Godzilla’s huge rogue’s gallery has given him as memorable a mauling as Skull Island’s reigning champ: join me now as we pick through Godzilla’s impressive win/loss record to pick his best fights (that doesn’t involve Kong).
5. Vs. Baragon (GMK – Godzilla Mothra Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack – 2001)
Not so much a fight as more as a kaiju-sized example of aggravated assault, Baragon’s ill-advised attempt to tackle a Godzilla resurrected by the ghosts of WWII victims just shows how overwhelming an opponent Godzilla can really be. Barely putting up a fight, a puppy-eyed Baragon has her kaiju-butt handed to her in no time at all in a vicious beating that ends with the vastly superior Godzilla using his atomic breath to atomize her like a leaky oil refinery. Comically tragic.
4. Vs. the MUTOs (Godzilla 2014)
Gareth Edwards’ murky cinematography may make the action a bit tough to see unless you’ve drawn all the curtains in the house but after 2 hours of Spielbergian teasing, we finally see a rebooted Godzilla cruelly cock block a young, budding couple of giant insects who only want to settle down and start a family. Godzilla is soon overwhelmed by the double teaming of this loved-up duo but a spot of interference by some humans means our boy can mount a rousing comeback by fatally twatting the male with a lethal tail whip and finishing off the female with an atomic breath finisher that wouldn’t look out of place in Mortal Kombat. FATALITY!
3. Vs. Destoroyah (Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah 1995)
The Heisei series of Godzilla films have consistently the best fights of the whole franchise, but when it comes to pure emotion and massive stakes, they don’t come much bigger than this. Destoroyah is essentially the anti-christ of the Kaiju world as this huge, horned devil creature is created by the Oxygen Destroyer – the invention that killed the original Godzilla back in the 50’s – and has the ability to split into thousands of large crustacean creature to further overwhelm his opponent. In a moment worthy of a Rocky movie, Destoroyah fatally wounds Godzilla’s son in order to send a plain message that this shit just got real and the battle is joined. But to further complicate matters, Godzilla atomic core is on the fritz and the mega-lizard is only hours away from melting down. Oddly moving.
2. Vs. King Ghidorah (Destroy All Monsters 1968)
Essentially a WWE Royal Rumble match but with screeching, building-sized titans, Destroy All Monsters is noticeable for the sheer amount of combatants (11 of the bastards) and, while it’s quite an impressive mismatch, it’s still an impressive outing for Godzilla’s most enduring foe. As the outnumbered King Ghidorah does what every Kaiju does when the chips are down – mercilessly beat on the hapless Anguirus – Godzilla leads the charge to stomp the shit out his old intergalactic enemy. While this may not be the most “pure” of Godzilla and King Ghidorah’s many rumbles, the sheer mechanics of the fight boggles the mind with the presence of multiple suit performers and puppet wires everywhere being a logistical nightmare.
1. Vs. Mechagodzilla (Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla 1974)
Our top bout to knock the other Kaiju out involves Godzilla’s other arch foe, the stocky Mechagodzilla. While it’s never made clear why his creators gave him a robotic pot belly, this metallic doppelganger has the firepower to give Godzilla very real headaches and his weapons include spinning finger missiles, rainbow coloured lasers and the power of flight. All Godzilla has is the utterly useless partnership of shaggy dog-god King Caesar (where’s rapist-faced droid Jet Jaguar when you need him?) but this proves to be enough as Godzilla reveals he has the ability to make himself magnetic – something he’s never done since – and defeats his shiny assailant with the power of attraction… well, that and he rips his sodding head off. If King Ghidorah is Godzilla’s Green Goblin, then Mechagodzilla is his Venom and their many matches over the years have usually been a highlight – will a rumoured appearance in Godzilla Vs. Kong be another?