A member of Hollywood royalty since 1933, King Kong may not exactly have has a many fights as his other monstrous peers but he’s still quite the seasoned veteran, boasting a larger brain and some superior punching power to overwhelm any threat to Skull Island – both foreign and domestic) in spectacular fashion. While his roving eye for the ladies is still quite the achillies heel and he has quite the disadvantage when it comes to good old American firepower, he’s still amassed some impressive wins leading up to 2021’s Godzilla Vs. Kong. Now sit back was we watch the gorilla thriller go killer on his most difficult foes to date (who aren’t Godzilla).
5. Vs. Mechani-Kong (King Kong Escapes 1967)
Surely the most bizarre of all of Kong’s enemies, his brief tenure under the watch of Toho – Godzilla’s parent studio, led him to square off with a robot double that was manufactured by an evil scientist to help him rule the world. Armed with his most potent weapon, dazzling spotlights in his eyes to blind enemies (?), Mechani-Kong faces his opponent while climbing Tokyo Tower in a ferocious brawl. Despite looking like a geriatric meth addict, Kong manages to fend off this brutal attack on his copyright and emerges as the fleshy victor.
4. Vs. Tyranosaurus (King Kong 1933)
Hollywood history in the making, a hungry T-Rex makes moves on Anne Darrow, Kong’s, reluctant squeeze so our hairy alpha male decides – like a drunk dude at a party who’s caught you ogling his girl – to show this interloper those hands. And show him he does as he bludgeons this toothy usurper with incandescent rage. Employing choke holds and karate throws like a primordial MMA expert, he finally emerges victorious after fatally snapping his opponents jaw like a twig – if this had happened in a bar in a Saturday night, Kong would be in jail, on Skull Island however, it makes him the frickin’ man.
3. Vs. American Military (Kong: Skull Island 2017)
Kong’s never had much luck with an airborne opponent, constantly losing out to biplanes and attack choppers in double losses both in 1933 and 1976. However, the 2017 incarnation of our hairy hero managed to finally score a decisive victory against those marauding men in their flying machines in Kong: Skull Island when he laid epic amounts of smack down in a spectacularly fiery case of Ape-pocalypse Now. Punching out attack choppers like it’s some gigantic version of whack-a-mole where John Goodman and Samuel L. Jackson scream for their lives, this Kong shows that human ingenuity isn’t a match for a right hook the size of a camper van. Consider Skull: Island well and truly protected by it’s huge, monkey bouncer…
2. Vs. Skull Crawler (Kong: Skull Island 2017)
That other big bad of Kong: Skull Island, the Skull Crawler is a bipedal lizard creature who’s ugliness is only matched by the fact that it’s a psychotic eating machine. Emerging on cue to challenge Kong after a nasty brush with some napalm temporarily knocks him on his monkey butt, this alpha version of the vicious breed of creature wastes zero time in making Kong his banana-eating bitch. But after some timely assistance from Brie Larson and a flare gun, Kong rallies back against his enemy with some innovative use of some foreign objects and the ruck rapidly becomes a hardcore match for the ages. Scoring extra points with the judges after using a tree like a baseball bat and a ship’s propeller as a razor sharp set of knuckle dusters, Kong finally secures the win by yanking out the entirety of the Skull Crawler’s innards out through it’s mouth. No need for a ten-count there…
1. Vs. the V-Rexes (King Kong 2005)
While debatedly overlong, Peter Jackson’s love letter to King Kong sees this Andy Serkis mo-capped version get into the greatest fight of his career while once again defending the honor of Anne Darrow. However, instead of delivering a knuckle sandwich via air mail to the mouth of a single combatant, Kong has to fend off a trio of hungry V-Rexes in a no-holds barred brawl that takes off the side of a cliff and into a clinging spider web of vines. Crushing skulls and taking names (or, at least he would if dinosaurs actually had names), he finally whittles the carnivores down until only one remains. However, after a little mano e mano (or Kongo e Rexo, if you will) Kong predictably emerges as King – but how long will that crown stay affixed to his simian brow? Kong may have been responsible for a rare loss for Godzilla back in 1962, but can he pull off the double? 2021 will hopefully hold all the answers…